By Holly Wentworth
Every year, one of Fitchburg State’s fraternities, Sigma Pi, calls the local junkyard for a donated car to smash. Yes, I said smash! Their mission is to help students relieve the stress of the semester, starting up by smashing a junky car. The deal is that it’s free, unless you would like to donate $1 for a hit or $3 for five hits. To accomplish this, they have a sledge hammer and other tools, such as golf clubs. Here are five reasons why you should participate:
You sit through class all day long, which sucks, in general. Then, you get forced into a group project with people you hate. Those shoulders must be tense as hell. Relax. Why not smash a car? Stress gone.
2. Usually It’s Illegal
Smashing objects that aren’t yours is really awkward because it could lead to some serious jail time and people hating you for ruining their stuff. This is the one time you can do that without getting into trouble, so hit away!
3. It’s Like Hitting the Person(s) You Hate, Without Actually Hitting Them
Remember that group project with the people you hate that I mentioned? Go ahead, hit them. Not actually, but in the form of the junky car. One hit for the annoying know-it-all. Another for the lazy bum who does absolutely nothing. And save the last for the professor, who put you in that group to begin with. Ahh, much better.
4. It’s Fun
It’s like playing baseball, but without the ball, the field, the players, the Big Leagues Chew bubble gum or pretty much everything else other than the bat you swing. So maybe not like baseball, but either way, you could pretend and that’s still fun!
5. You Don’t Have to Fix It Once You’ve Smashed It
Last time you were really angry, maybe you punched a hole in your wall or broke something that was valuable to you. This resulted in some drywall repair or gluing pieces back together. This time, you can smash the car several times and not have to worry about repairing a thing because the car is crap anyway.
So, next time Sigma Pi has another Car Smash event, make sure to go and hit the car as many times as you want without consequence!